In my junior year of college I took a personal challenge to drink a bottle of Belvedere or Grey Goose vodka, by myself, for as many weeks as my body could stand. This daunting task of professional college binge drinking would be one for the ages. It has emblazoned several stories into the psyche of those individuals important to me during that time in my life. There was the night me and one of my friends got drunk in the Jewish Community Center parking lot, or the night I passed out at 11 p.m. after drinking too much Everclear with my vodka.

My favorite story is a result of the fallout of all this binge drinking. I woke up one Sunday night after being passed out all day from the previous night’s drinking. There was an empty bottle of Goose on my floor and a nearly full bottle of OJ (I guess I didn’t chase too much that night). I felt disgusted that I had been drinking so much. I was still a little hung over so I did what we all do when we wake up drunk: I made a deal with God that if he helped me through this hangover I would put down alcohol and all evil in my life for good.

I figured I better not do this halfway. I needed to go all out. So I did what most guys do during that moment when they feel they wanna “Get right with God.” I went to my computer and I deleted ALL OF MY PORNO. I even deleted the pictures that chicks I had fucked snapped with their camera phones.

The pinnacle of my porn purge happened around 2 a.m. I was still pretty hung over so I thought I should make the big plunge into the “Christian life.” I took all my porn DVDs and VHS cassettes — there were 15 in all — and I put them on the door step of people in my hall. I didn’t know them and I didn’t care, I was just getting rid of my porn. All of it. I hope the Midwestern White boys I called classmates were into Black women because they got some classics. I’m talking Afrocentrix: The Best of India, Double Stack Black AZZ 29, and my personal favorite Double Diva Lick Off: Plump Pussy for Plump Pussy Lovers. On this night, I earned the title of Porn Fairy. I am sure that happy college men all over my dorm woke up to find something that isn’t better than new pussy but its real close: New porn.

Bad thing is, I did all of this as a pact with God. About 20 minutes after I gave away all my porn and swore off all alcohol, this big booty chick from the North Quad of campus called me up. I’d like to remind you… it was 2:30 a.m. I invited her over, drank me a beer, and within 15 minutes I was making dirty faces with her. So sad, but a great story nonetheless.